


Bleeding heart

by dvmbledors



Series: Grindeldore related stuff [5]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Gay Relationship, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Movie 2: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Pre-Movie 2: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, Summer 1899, The Duel, but only like... in the first chapter, there’s a bit of everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2020-11-02 07:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20664449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvmbledors/pseuds/dvmbledors
Summary: 4 times Albus said I love you and one time Gellert did.





	1. 1899

_ ** 1. ** _

One of the things Albus loved the most about Gellert was his tendency to get enthusiastic over the simplest, most ordinary aspects of life. The way his eyes would widen slightly in awe whenever he saw a beautiful sunset, or Albus performed a particularly difficult spell, or they went near the lake and the sun’s reflection would dance on its surface and hit the water  _just right_. He was usually calm and composed, but sometimes he would just... lit up, and it was something Albus dearly cherished.

Something he didn’t love was, however, being woken up at five in the morning by his partner for that exact same reason.

Albus heard the familiar sound of apparition permeating his mind still foggy with sleep, followed by the gentle breeze that usually accompanied it. He groaned and pulled his pillow over his ears in an attempt to muffle the noise and get back to sleep. 

Gellert had other plans, apparently.

The redhead was just beginning to drift off again when he felt the other person in his room coming closer to the bed. Normally, that would excite him (for obvious reasons), but now, with barely four hours of sleep on his shoulders, he really didn’t want to hear whatever it was that had spiked his lover’s interest this time.

The younger wizard sat in front of his bed and proceeded to slowly free his ears from the pillow, his left hand coming to rest on Albus’ head soon after. Albus leaned sleepily into the touch and heard a faint, heartwarming chuckle coming from the other boy in response. He felt Gellert’s fingers starting to run through his hair, and suddenly he couldn’t remember why he was so adverse to being woken up before dawn to begin with. He sighed contentedly and let himself be cared for for a while. 

He loved the way Gellert made him feel, with his fingers tracing lazy shapes on his head, or by simply being close to him, really. He felt warm, serene and just so  _loved_. It was a nice feeling, one that made his heart sing and flutter in the most pleasant way.

“Albus?” Gellert said in a low voice, his ministrations coming to a stop. 

“Don’t stop, ‘s nice,” Albus mumbled, earning another light chuckle that made him smile despite his somewhat still hazy state. Gellert resumed his previous activity, and the room grew silent for a while once more, with the two of them simply enjoying each other’s company.

Albus felt Gellert’s hand hesitating again for a moment, meaning that he was about to tell him the reason behind his early visit. He pretended not to notice, giving his boyfriend the time he needed to gather the courage to talk. 

He heard a deep intake of breath and then, “Would you... would you like to watch the sunrise with me, lieber? Only if you want to. I’m sorry for waking you.”

Albus’ eyes shot open in surprise, his heart literally melting. Gellert wasn’t looking at him, his eyes fixed on an indefinite spot on the left side of his room. He loved these rare moments of uncertainty where Gellert was not a genius, a strategist or a brilliant wizard, but simply him, a sixteen year old boy who wanted to share a moment of intimacy with his boyfriend but was afraid of rejection, of being made fun of, even though he knew Albus would never do either of those things. As if he could deny him anything. It was cute.

A fond smile made its way to his lips. “Of course, liebling, just give me a few moments,” he whispered, propping himself up on one elbow so that he could kiss Gellert properly on the lips. It was a gesture of reassurance, to tell him that it was okay to ask, that he didn’t mind being woken up if it was to spend some time with him.

After they parted, Gellert nodded. “Alright,” he agreed, leaning closer once more to press a kiss on his forehead instead.

***

They apparated on the hill near Godric’s Hallow less than ten minutes later, the deep blue of the night sky already beginning to fade, shifting to the lighter color that always preceded sunrise.

The two settled there, on the grass (conveniently dried off with magic), Gellert sitting against a tree with Albus between his legs. The blond’s arms soon encircled the other’s waist, and Albus’ own hands promptly covered his. It was chilly outside, but neither of them minded, content in their personal little bubble, warming each other up with the heat of their bodies, while the sun slowly made its way into the morning sky.

Albus turned slightly and nuzzled his nose against the crook of his lover’s neck.

“Gellert... I may be insane, but I think I’m in love with you.”

It was the first time he said those words out loud, but even though he had been certain of his feelings before, he hadn’t imagined just how  _right _voicing those feelings would actually feel.

Gellert gently kissed the top of his head and held him a little tighter.

“You’re lucky we’re both insane, then,” he whispered softly, for only the two of them to hear.

That was enough.


	2. 1945

_ ** 2. ** _

Albus loves magic, every branch of it. From transfiguration to herbology, from potions to ancient runes, from theory to practice. He loves teaching it as much as he loves unraveling the secrets that hide behind its incantations and flashes of light.

Albus likes to think of magic as  _possibility__:_ if everything has the potential to shift and become something else entirely, then magic is what makes that potential blossom.

Magic is exhilaration, magic is power, power to shape matter despite its fluidity, to make it bend and obey.

Normally, a display of magic such as the one he is witnessing now would leave him as excited as a first year who manages to levitate a feather for the first time.

Normally, in front of such a spectacle he would watch and think and  _wonder__._ He would ponder endlessly about the  how’s and  why’s behind every wordless spell, every wandless incantation, every inevitable consequence. But not this time.

Albus loves magic, but in this moment, he  _dreads_ it.

The duel has been stretching on for what now feels like years, it’s a never ending flow of curses and shields and unspoken words, and neither of them can pretend to be unaffected by those interminable hours of fighting for much longer.

High on adrenaline and sorrow, Albus feels no pain, but he notices the blood on Gellert’s robes coming out of wounds he was unable to prevent: the result of spells he could not protect himself from. Albus supposes he must be in a similiar state, but he can’t feel anything other than the pounding of his heart and the exhaustion of his mind.

He’s looking for an opening, a weakness,  _anything_ to just make this all  _ stop.  _

At some point, he is even tempted to drop on his knees and throw his wand at Gellert’s feet, but he knows he can’t.

Had he been fighting for himself, he would have done it already. Had he been fighting for himself, he would have surrendered to Gellert, no matter the fate the other man had in store for him, be it death, torture or imprisonment for life. But he is not, he reminds himself. He’s fighting for the wizarding world, for those who can’t, for the heroes who have found their deaths in this war, and for their loved ones who still cry on their graves.

He keeps his eyes on Gellert, and he looks magnificent.

He aches to see what he looks like in Gellert’s eyes, but he can’t spare enough power to cast even the quickest Legilimens. It’s a waste of focus he can not afford, especially since he can barely see straight, and his legs are shaking so terribly it’s a wonder he is still able to stand.

Gellert looks intently at him as he casts one more spell, and Albus’ hand is already performing the counter curse before his mind has even had the chance to register what incantation it is.

It should be a spell like any other, like the hundreds,  _thousands_ of spells they have cast in the last few hours, but they are both exhausted, and as the two curses collide, he realizes that this will be their last effort, and Gellert can see it, too. 

It feels like closure.

He puts his all into this last incantation, every fragment of magic he can find within him, all the pain and anger he had to bear during all these years. He looks, _really_ looks into Gellert’s eyes then, and their minds mingle, they become one. He feels a sense of betrayal that is not his own, and matches it with the crushing regret he has grown accustomed to. He sees the way his graying red hair shines in the sun, and his lips twitch, threatening to quirk upwards. He looks as beautiful in Gellert’s eyes as Gellert looks in his own.

(Ultimately, he feels longing and loneliness, but he can’t tell who they belong to).

Albus’ eyes wander to Gellert’s wand-hand, and he notices that it is shaking considerably, as if even continuing to hold it represents the greatest struggle. It takes a couple of seconds after he realizes that this will be his only chance for a mad idea to take form in his mind.

He uses every ounce of magic he has left to produce a weak shield around himself, because if he does this, Gellert’s curse will hit him. If he does this, Gellert’s curse might kill him.

(He wonders, would it be so bad to be killed?)

When he feels the shield is secure enough, he decides it’s time to end this, once and for all. His eyes fill with tears, and he desperately thinks of something to say, something grand, something worth going down in History.

“I love you more than anything,” it’s what he says instead. He releases the counter-curse to cast a silent  Expelliarmus , and Gellert’s wand flies to his hand with a flick of his own, leaving him exposed to the other’s curse.

Soon enough, the dust and blinding light dissipate, and Gellert looks at him, sees the wands in his hand and  _realizes__. _There’s a small smile on his lips as he collapses on the ground, drained, defeated.

Albus’ world narrows, every part of him that matters dies alongside Gellert’s freedom. He replays that smile in his head, but he’s exhausted and pained and can’t bring himself to think about its meaning. Was he relieved that it was over? Did he hear Albus’ words? He doesn’t know, he doesn’t want to know, he’s too tired to care.

He can hear someone cheering, but it’s so distant and muffled that it could be his mind playing tricks on him. He hadn’t even realized they weren’t alone. 

They were, in a way. They had always been. Too smart, too powerful, too ambitious for their peers, condemned to a life of solitude and isolation. 

As a boy, he had felt pride thinking about how superior he was to everyone around him. As a boy, he had felt  _chosen__._ He thought he was the only one worthy of the power at his disposal, and it had made him arrogant and blind.

Now he despises it, this power, the responsibility that comes with it. It is the reason he is here, after all.

How many sleepless nights has he spent wondering why? 

_Why me?_

Why couldn’t he be just another average wizard who seeks help and comfort from those he deems stronger? Why does he have to be the one who provides that comfort, that safety? Why can’t anyone see how fundamentally human and weak he is?

Even now, they’re acclaming him as some kind of hero, even though he’s anything but, and it makes him sick to his stomach.

Would they still be chanting his name if they knew that he’s just sentenced  _the person he loves_ to a lifetime of prison?

He stumbles backwards, and only then he notices the blinding pain that’s ripping him in half.He brings his hand to the source of his agony, and he’s welcomed by wetness and warmth. 

Gellert’s curse had hit him, after all.

He’s bleeding, he realizes distantly. He’s bleeding and he’s already soaked in blood. That knowledge should alarm him, but it doesn’t. He feels something else instead, and a humorless laugh leaves his lips as he recognizes it as relief.

Is it enough to end his life? He prays it is, as he watches Gellert’s unconscious form being taken away by the Aurors. He prays it is, as his knees give out and he slides down a tree, crushed down by the weight of what he just did, of the monster he is, the monsters they both are.

He feels a pang of burning hate towards those Aurors, so intense it scares him. He hates all of them, and the ministry, and everyone involved in that shithole. He’s desperate to find someone to blame for this other than himself, because if he thought he knew guilt before, he was wrong. He curses the cruelty of fate, he curses that Muggle God who must be laughing his ass off at the irony of it all, and he asks him, begs him, to just kill him.

He wants to die. 

No, that’s not it. He doesn’t want to die: dying is not nearly enough. He wishes to disappear, to be wiped off the face of the earth. To forget and be forgotten, to stop existing entirely. But of course, the world has other plans for him, as it always does.

As he wallows in self pity, he hears someone approaching him.

The man kneels in front of him with a devastated expression, and it takes Albus more than he would like to admit to realize that he is probably concerned for his injuries. Newt’s kind eyes scan his body and focus on his side, where the worst wound is. 

“It’s over sir, you did it.” Are the first words Newt says to him. 

He hesitates before adding: “You’re bleeding, sir,” and Albus would’ve smiled at the innocence with which he says it, if only he could remember how.

“The mediwitches are on their way, you need to hold on a little longer, keep pressure on the wound, i-it’s going to be okay.” His words are urgent and tinted with concern. His kind, sweet Newt. There really is no good way to tell him that, for him, this wound is not a curse as much as it is a blessing.

“It’s alright, Newt. Just leave it.” He tries to be reassuring as he says it, but it is hard to put warmth and comfort into his words while his heart feels as cold as stone, and he can see from Newt’s widened, scared eyes that he doesn’t quite succeed.

“You’ll die,” Newt tells him matter-of-factly, and Albus can not find the strength to look him in the eyes as he states the next words.

“I just did,” he finally says without emotion, looking straight ahead with unseeing eyes.

Newt shivers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if I managed to explain how Dumbledore actually defeated Grindelwald, but basically he released the counter-curse, and in the second it took for Gellert’s curse to reach him and hit him, he disarmed him... i don’t know if it’s possible, but it’s fanfiction sooo🤷🏼
> 
> I feel like this chapter sucks more than usual, but in my defense I went through surgery a few days ago and I’m taking so many painkillers that I’m honestly surprised I managed to write THIS much. Just... appreciate the effort 
> 
> Oh and, obviously, the last bit with Newt’s “It’s over sir, you did it” is heavily inspired by Avengers Endgame. I mean... you know what scene I’m talking about.
> 
> Thank you for reading btw! Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3
> 
> I just wanted to say a couple of things. First, if Albus’ confession sounds familiar it’s because it was actually part of another one of my stories that I decided to delete soon after, but I really liked the idea, so I basically recycled it.  
Second, I know this chapter is mostly fluff even though the tags state that the story will contain looots of angst, but I can assure you that it will come in due time.
> 
> That’s it, I hope you enjoyed it!


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